Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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