do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
