Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
