Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
