His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
