There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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