had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girls should come with a carfax report
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
