I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
