my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
