i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
