Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
