WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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