I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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