Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
