God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
