If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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