tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
