he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
