I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
