True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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