You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
