A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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