I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
