I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
