you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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