It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
