I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish my penis had a tongue
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
