just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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