I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
