she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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