Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
