they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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