smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
