I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were destined to go to rehab together
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
