You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
