I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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