Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
