In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
