seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
there is puke in my bra ... again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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