the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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