so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
