could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
