and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
