omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
