Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
