so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
