I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
