Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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