that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
