You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
