# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
