you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
