1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
