and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
