Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
