Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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