She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
