therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
